Pehla Maran Kabul – Accepting Death Before Living

Letter to Guru Gobind Singh Ji

Pehla Maran Kabul – Accepting Death Before Living

Beloved Guru Gobind Singh Ji,

Shastar-pati, Pita Sahib Ji, Lion of the Divine Word—this humble soul writes to You not with pride, but with a broken ego and folded hands. I have read of Your battles, sung of Your victories, and bowed before Your legacy—but today, I come not as a speaker of praise, but as a seeker in need of Your sword—not to slay others, but to destroy what is false within me.

I am tired, Guru Ji, of living half a life—carried by ego, consumed by fear, driven by illusion.

And then, one day, I heard Your eternal command echo through the Guru Granth Sahib:

ਪਹਿਲਾ ਮਰਣੁ ਕਬੂਲਿ ਜੀਵਣ ਕੀ ਛਡਿ ਆਸ ॥ ਹੋਹੁ ਸਭਨਾ ਕੀ ਰੇਣੁਕਾ ਤਉ ਆਉ ਹਮਾਰੈ ਪਾਸਿ ॥੧॥

First, accept death, and give up all hope of life. Become the dust of the feet of all, and then, you may come to me.— Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 1102

This was not just instruction—it was the call to rise from sleep. It was Your challenge to the coward in me. Die before you live, You say. Surrender everything you think you are—titles, roles, body, mind—and become dust. Not metaphorical dust, but the kind that erases the ego completely. Only then can one walk Your path.

I realized in that moment that I have not yet accepted death. I cling. I crave. I want the world to see me. And yet, You taught the Khalsa to ride into battle already dead—alive only to truth.

ਜੀਵਤ ਮਰੈ ਮਰੈ ਫਿਰ ਜੀਵੈ ॥

One who dies while still alive—they alone truly live.— Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 491

I bow to this wisdom, Dasmesh Pita. You, who sacrificed Your four sons, who wrote with the tip of a sword, who gave the world the Khalsa, also gave this truth: surrender is not weakness—it is the warrior’s ultimate strength.

So I turn inward. And when I do, I see my body not as an identity, but as a diya, a lamp to be lit with Your flame. Breath is the oil. The soul, the wick. Remembrance of Waheguru, the fire.

ਦੀਪਕ ਬਾਲਿ ਰਖਿਓ ਉਰ ਤੀਰਿ ॥ ਬਿਖੈ ਕਾਲੁ ਨ ਸਗਲੀ ਪੀਰਿ ॥

Light the lamp within your heart; then no poison, no pain, no fear can touch you.— Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 878

In this light, I see my enemies—and they are not out there. They are within. The five thieves, Panj Chor, rule me more than I dare admit: Kām, Krodh, Lobh, Moh, Ahankar. You asked the Khalsa to be pure, but I am still soiled with these stains.

Lust clings not only to body, but to reputation, to success. I ask You, burn it away.

Anger, quiet but corrosive, rises when my ego is bruised. But if I truly accept death, who is left to be offended?

ਕਰਣੀ ਕਾਹੇ ਕੋ ਰੋਵੈ ॥ ਹੋਇ ਜੋ ਹੋਵੈ ਸੁ ਪਰਵਾਣਾ ॥

Why cry over what has been done? Whatever happens is by Divine Will.— Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 877

Greed whispers through my ambitions. How much is enough? You remind me that none of this will travel with me.

ਚਿੰਤਾ ਤਾ ਕੀ ਕੀਜੀਐ ਜੋ ਅਣ ਹੋਵੈ ॥Worry only about that which has never existed.— Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 1427

Attachment ties me down. I mistake chains for love. Teach me to love like the Khalsa—fearlessly, freely, with no need to possess.

And ego… the last and greatest battle. It wears so many faces: pride, knowledge, identity. But You, Guru Ji, strike it down with one line:

ਹਉਮੈ ਦੀਰਘ ਰੋਗੁ ਹੈ ਦਾਰੂ ਭੀ ਇਸੁ ਮਾਹਿ ॥

Ego is a deep disease, but the cure lies within it too.— Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 466

The cure is You. Your Bani. Your discipline. Your sword of truth.

And now, I begin to see what You always wanted me to know: I am not separate. I am light. I was never this mask. When I shed the lies, what remains is Your jot, glowing quietly inside me.

ਜੋਤਿ ਰੂਪਿ ਹਰਿ ਆਪਿ ਹੈ ਘਟਿ ਘਟਿ ਰਹਿਆ ਸਮਾਇ ॥

The Divine Light is within all; the Lord pervades every heart.— Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 1349

I see now why You gave the world the Khalsa. Not for power—but for purity. Not to conquer the world, but to conquer the self. To die before dying and live only for the Truth.

And so I no longer ask, “What happens when I die?” Instead, I ask, “What must die in me today?”

ਮਰਣੈ ਕੀ ਚਿੰਤਾ ਨਹੀ ਜੀਵਣ ਕੀ ਨਾਹਿ ਆਸ ॥

One who does not worry about dying, nor hopes for life—that one is truly free.— Guru Granth Sahib, Ang 1019

Guru Gobind Singh Ji, please accept this torn ego, this incomplete seeker, and shape it in Your image. Make me fearless. Make me humble. Make me light. Let me not speak of surrender—let me live it. Let me walk Your path, not in costume, but in truth.

Let me die the death You spoke of—and in it, may I live for You, forever.

In Your service,

A soul who wishes only to be Khalsa—